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| it's kind of hard to find a reason to continue living, all life appears to be is avoiding death and having kids. nothing when accomplished brings happiness, it's hard to say if happiness really exists, myabe it's just the time when you're not depressed, anyway this sounds really emo and all but it's getting harder to find a reason to keep going on. | | |
| i'm thinking it's time to take this limited time offer off of the market.
-note so self, this is not the kind of thing to make common knoledge. | | |
| some people, just really don't care about any 1 but themselves. fuck i'm pissed. | | |
| i've just noticed (well actually i've known for a while but this is a good way to bring it up) that i have a deep love for the written word, something about writing and especially song writing that allows you to say somthing that you can't say to others in person. i think i would really like a girl friend who proposed that a mutual interest be pursued though a word. though not on myspace or somthing as heartless like that, maybe through a letter written by hand and left on my windowseal for me to find the next day, something romantic like. maybe i'm just a total homo. i had so many thoughts i wanted to record earlier. i know i'll remember how i felt but i always forget the words. i guess that why i love the written word. so that you can always remember that exact words that captivated you and exited you. god i feel like writing tonight. of course latter i'll share words with a pad of paper that only i will see. sorry for all of my faithful readers but these are my own.
but to change the topic completely i am finding it harder to hold back my anger toward the american idea of drugs being the number 1 city sin. i just can't see small drugs like some pot as being so horrible. fucking dallas swat and cops. (the tv shows) i don't like hearing all of my kick ass fathers, and bad ass mothers being described as the bad guys. all of my brothers and sisters (some figurative, some literal) in jail for such a small thing. i have never been sold a bag of unhappiness, and as for the cancer that i get with a smile..... i get that from the morris family with sales tax as well. but what ever makes the rich richer and the poor poorer is all good for america, to say that we are the land of the free is a joke, were would the country be without oppression? capitalism! america is just bizarro comunism,(cory is the only 1 who understads this lol)but now i sound like some damn 14 yr old punk rock bastard.
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| so i just noticed how little i actually know about the internet, i guess in my younger teenyears i just never really cared to much for the internet, porn and music are good, but both are better to experience up close and in flesh and sometimes blood (yea i guess that's a little gross). all i know about myspace and xanga is how to bitch and complain and even sometimes pine over my many loves, but if it comes to redesigning my web page,..... blah blah....maybe i'm just to lazy to go through with it all. ahhh laziness my most hated guilty pleasure. so aside from the interenet i've been spending all of my time with joey, robin, and steven i enjoy it all but i'm still missing something it's no 1's fault just 1 of those inner-quest kinda things. but on the subject of them, i really don't know how much i can take of joey and steven being to in love with robin. somtimes i think this whole issue might just destroy our friendship. why can't they just be happy for their friends? my god it's like being in middle school again. i can't even begin to imagine what living with them would be like. drinking and crying and cutting. not the life i want exactly but some how not to far from where i am lol i guess it's like j-mraz said
"love is a brittle madness, sing about it in all my sadness"
but i guess that's what it's destined to be like for our kind. now we're watching some educational show about glutonous animals and those damn tazmanian devils have reached number 1! anyway i guess i'll keep myself posted on my blogs. as i'm the only 1 who reads them, i kinda like the irony and regarding myself as a fan, though i guess it' kinda sad when you can't even call yourself your bigget fan isn't it brad?
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